I don’t intend for this entry to be focused purely on our film-making ventures. This time around I want to tackle something a little more personal, something that’s been sort of itching in the back of my head for a while now.
(though, the one quick thing film related update I will touch on is that we are getting closer to shooting a project I’ve slowly been trudging through the trenches of pre-production for, and once we get a shot off during principle photography, I’ll feel like we can justify talking about it publicly).
Since this time last year, and more consciously during the last 6 months, I’ve focused directly on creating more art and exploring new mediums that practice alongside Fresh Cup’s film projects. Sketching and painting became my newest muses because of this, and have equally been the most liberating and positive choices I think I’ve made alongside with attempting to live a less sedentary lifestyle.
This brings me to what’s been on my mind; personal exploration during the act of creating art. I remember when I used to draw as a teenager, I’d get frustrated by the process and give up easily, never letting myself build skills and foundations. But at the time, there’s a chance a part of that blind frustration came from what comes out of the process. I think this might be synonymous to why I listened to music or ingested other forms of media nearly 24/7. I preferred to escape instead of look inward on myself. That’s not to say art isn’t an escape in a way, but being active vs. reactive, the results tend to leave behind a longer lasting sense of satisfaction I feel.
Life is weird, each year has been full of unique absurdity that becomes further obfuscated through an ever evolving internal lens that interprets the world around us. The last few years have been especially so, with personal growth acting as a beacon. These days, the vehicle driving me to that beacon are the lessons that the process of making art teaches me. The importance of organization and use of time, paying attention and appreciation for the little details, attempting to remain a student for life and above all else, patience. You can’t take life without a dose of balance, so it’s more like patience is balanced against appreciating how little time we may actually have left. You aim to achieve a goal but you don’t rush to the end, so that you can come out the other side with the best possible result.
The part that has felt the most profound is how these values become a part of everyday life. I feel this is about to start sounding sappy (or preachy, so forgive me), but to put it simply, life has never felt as full as it does today. Between the influences of my wife, art, career goals and just enjoying the process each day, I feel more motivated than ever to continue the momentum I’ve started up since last year.
This time last year especially, as I was still pulling myself upward out of a dull, irritating and painful depression. The sort of depression that feels like navigating a maze at the bottom of a dark chasm. The sort of depression that feels insurmountable no matter how you shift your perspective. But actively seeking out to make visual art despite of emotions has done something other potentially therapeutic acts haven’t been able to do, give me a headspace where I could really get to know myself and my more inner thoughts, the ones that loom but hardly face you eye to eye. The introspection gained while engaging in the process vs. the result made it so I had to listen to my internal voice a little more, and hear what it’s trying to communicate.
I hope to allow this shift access to how I approach making films as much as any other visual art. I took up other mediums as a way to inspire and exercise my visual vocabulary, in hopes that getting into that mental mode becomes just that much more effortless and harmonious.
– Alex S.